I made a new issue of Pillow Talk, hopefully I’ll get it printed soon!

I got an new tattoo by Oliver Macintosh. It’s the first part of the mum and dad tattoos I’m getting. This one is for my dad, and I’m going to get a teacup for my mum (when I have the money).

I made some changes to my bike, I put more upright handlebars on and a really cute basket. I’ve been really really enjoying riding it just lately and I’ve been trying to cycle to work everyday and enjoy the sunshine!

And a few weeks ago, I got all my hair cut off. I really love it and I think I’m going to get it cut shorter!

But moving out had some positives, I got to use that months rent on buying a new bike (the bike that would really get me into cycling!) and finishing this tattoo from Valerie Vargas!

I had a really great birthday this year too, me and Dan went to see Vivian Girls and Lydia Dan and me went to see the Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus – and then me and Dan went to see Peter Brotzmann, phew!

Then started what seemed like the never-ending search for a flatshare and countless rejections. But the first Girl Germs of the year cheered me up, it was packed with lots of awesome dancing people and led to lots more ace adventures with these two lovely ladies!

Then in February, Lydia got her first tattoo, “girls get busy” which I had embroidered as a birthday present. I went with her to hold her hand and ended up getting the same tattoo!

March involved lots of cycling! Me and Dan had really been bitten by the cycling bug, we rode from Peterborough to our parents homes in March (50 miles!) and later on that month we took part in our first critical mass!

At the end of March I moved into a flatshare. It was nice having my own room again, having my own space really helps me organise my thoughts and my life. But I didn’t really get on with the other girls who lived there and I felt really cut off from Dan, my friends – and the rest of London! When one of the ceiling collapsed I took that opportunity to leave and move back in with Dan. It was a nice bedroom I had though -

This spring and summer I felt the healthiest and happiest that I ever have. Just looking at this picture and remembering how sunny and bright that room was is making me feel better. As I get older, it seems the winter effects me more and more. I was getting up at 6am every day, cooking lots of vegan food, drawing, sewing and exploring places on my bike. I can’t wait to feel like that again.

Just before I left I got another tattoo from Valerie, this one was one I wanted to get after I graduated, but her waiting list meant I had to wait nearly a year!

Then in June I started the City and Guilds course in Bicycle Mechanics that would pretty much change my life. When I had completed it I started going round bike shops and did several trial days until I got offered a job by Bobbin Bicycles to be the junior mechanic there.

The rest of the summer was spent hanging out with friends old and new – but most with this awesome pair!

I really appreciated the summer this year, usually I hide away when it gets slightly warm, but this year all I wanted to do was to be outside. It amazed me how the weather could make me feel so good and motivated me to go vegan and look after myself a lot more.

The last half of the year was mostly spent working super hard at Bobbin and being physically and mentally exhausted. And it seems it turns out it was pretty much for nothing now that the workshop is closed and Alexis is gone (yeah, I’m still pretty upset about this).

As much as I am looking forward to 2011, I am starting to actually feel quite panicked about it. I thought I knew what I was going to do with the year, but know I don’t really know what my job is going to be at Bobbins or whether I am going to enjoy it. So I’m starting to feel slightly resigned to another year of floating about not knowing what I am going to do with myself.

So my parents got me the Pentax Optio I-10 (which was super reduced!) and it’s actually much more than a point and shoot, unlike most of the other cameras I looked at it’s got manual focus and lots more control over other features compared too. Also, it’s got a super duper cute ‘retro’ design! I’m going to take lots of pictures over the next few days and I’ll be posting the results on here!

Last Wednesday the Bobbin owners told us that a combination of bad weather, the low season and a recession has meant that the workshop has been haemorrhaging money and that it will need to shut indefinitely. At first they said they would keep us both on, but it soon became apparent that the wouldn’t be able to afford that, so they had to let Alexis go.

I didn’t realise quite how sad I would be about all this. I suppose that’s always the way, you don’t realise how much you appreciate/love something until it is gone. It was especially hard having to spend the next day sitting alone in the workshop, it felt almost as if someone had died.

I still feel really weird about the whole situation, mainly because I still don’t really know exactly what I’m going to be doing when I go back. And, I just feel really sad for the workshop. We put a lot of work into putting the place together, and worked really hard to give everyone who came in a great service so that they would feel like they wanted to come back. At the moment it seems like it was all for nothing. I was really looking forward to working with Alexis, he had an awful to teach me, and he was a great teacher.

It’s not exactly what I had planned for the new year, I thought I finally had some idea of what I was going to do; at least for now. I’m trying to see it positively – that I can go in any direction I want – but that’s also equally terrifying. Hopefully I’ll feel better when I go back to work on the 4th and find out exactly what I’m going to be doing.

Also, Dan didn’t come home last night. He went out with some friends to a gig just down the road in Brixton, and at 5am this morning I woke up and rolled over for a hug and he wasn’t there. No phonecall, no text, his phone is off. Nothing. I don’t want to keep tabs on you, I just want to know you’re safe.

“I am the most tired woman in the world. I am tired when I get up. Life requires an effort I cannot make. Please give me that heavy book. I need to put something heavy like that on top of my head. I have to place my feet under the pillows always, so as to be able to stay on earth. Otherwise I feel myself going away, going away at a tremendous speed, on account of my lightness. I know that I am dead. As soon as I utter a phrase my sincerity dies, becomes a lie whose coldness chills me. Don’t say anything, because I see that you understand me, and I am afraid of your understanding.”

— Anaïs Nin

Bobbin is going well. It’s really really hard. At least once a day I have thought about quitting, but really there is no way I could do that. There is so much I need to learn and I think for the first couple of weeks I got completely overwhelmed by that. But, I am learning new things everyday (and remembering them) and that is keeping me going.

The shop is looking good now that it is all nearly kitted out. Here’s Alexis (my boss and my awsome teacher!) outside with an amazing bike. It’s a cargo bike from Workcycles where he used to work in Amsterdam. Seems all the owners of these bikes in London have found out Alexis is here and they’ve come flocking!

I made a blog for the shop, so if you’re interested you can keep up with our adventures here:

http://bobbinbicycleworkshop.wordpress.com/

A beautiful bike came in today, I don’t want to give it back! I changed the handlebars on it so it’s much more upright, and it’s wonderful to ride.

In other news, it’s Ladyfest this weekend. Not sure how much I want to go, the whole being involved in the organising was quite depressing, but I’ll write more about that once I’ve been. I’m doing a bike maintenance workshop and I’m nervous!

Working at Bobbin, although great, has completely taken away any spare time I had. I get up go to work, come home and go to sleep. Repeat. In the next few weeks it’s going to become even more manic as we decorate and set up the new workshop. But hopefully I’ll have a proper routine soon and I will be able to fit in time to blog.

It’s also got to the point where I have had no time to go on the internet at all, so I have about 5 million posts in my blog reader, and emails from a month ago that I daren’t open. Shudder.

I really really want to make a zine about my experiences working as a bike mechanic, I’ve bought a new notebook, and I’m going to try really hard to scribble down some thoughts during my lunch break, but as sad as this makes me, I can’t promise anything.

Bloody hell, I’ve missed this. I really really enjoy writing. And reading, but I don’t get time to do either any more. I guess  that’s the way of things, you only miss them when they are gone. But hopefully, soon, my life will be a bit more organised and I will be able to do some of the other things I enjoy.

Today is my last day at Defra. As much as I can’t wait to get away from here it will be weird leaving my first proper job. I’ll be glad to no longer have to put up with the bigots or being harrassed at my desk, but I will miss the few people I had a good laugh with.

It’s weird what little things people pick up about you, they managed to get me the most perfect card, and £55 of Topshop vouchers! Win!

It’s starting to sink in that I’m actually leaving and going to be starting at Bobbin’s, and I’m starting to get nervous!